I turned 24 this Sunday and it was a crazy, wonderful, and joyous time in Tbilisi with friends and family.
For most of my life there was a mismatch of my perceived age and my biological age. When I was a teenager, I always felt that I was older. Then when covid hit, I felt that I had lost 2 years and that I was younger than I actually was. So I wasn’t 23, but 21, and I wasn’t graduating but just starting junior year. However, time is unsentimental and hardworking, and I was in fact 23 and I did, in fact, graduate. However, after my time in Georgia, I finally feel my actual age. It’s as if two gears lined up just perfectly. My early 20s was wrapped up with great friends, loud music, and spectacular food. Now I am ready to continue the march in my life and build something that I and the people that supported me will be proud of.
In light of my birthday, I want to share some thoughts, reflections, sort of wisdom (I’m not that old, yet) that I have collected over the years. A good friend of mine asked me what advice I would give him before I graduated. I couldn’t think of an answer on the spot. So, Tristan, this post is dedicated for you.
You are who you are, but you can always be better.
When you are very young, you are on a mission to find yourself. Through bad situations, awkward conversations, and general experience you find the general idea of who you are. It’s very hard to change who you are. If you are not a math person, no matter how hard you try, you probably won’t become one. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t improve. Accepting who you are doesn’t mean you have to stay the same. Accepting who you are means that you acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and then put yourself in situations where you can become the best version of your authentic self. Being authentic is important, but it’s not an excuse to be lazy.
It’s all in your head, but sometimes you gotta change things up.
I can almost guarantee that most of your problems are in your head. I have lived almost entirely in my head for my whole life. Is that person upset at me? Did I say something wrong? Do I look silly? These types of questions make your life worse and really add no value to your existence. It’s best to just accept the situation you are in and let the good times roll. However, it’s not always in your head. Before I went to Georgia, I was burnt out in NYC. The city was too loud, too expensive, and I was tired deep in my soul. I needed a change. So I moved to Tbilisi; this change allowed me to see the beauty in both other places and in NYC. So, sometimes you shouldn’t just let it go, but instead buy a plane ticket and see where it takes you.
Being poor is not a virtue, but being flashy isn’t either.
I am not flashy. I do not own many clothes. The most expensive thing I have ever bought was my computer. I live like a hipster spartan, in a way that I refuse to waste things and run my sweater until they disintegrate. However, there is no honour in being impoverished for no reason. I can afford new sweaters, and I can spend the extra 3 dollars on a nice latte. I have found out that when you slightly loosen your budget muscles, life becomes much easier, even if you’re spending a bit more. So, I now always buy the emergency row plane ticket. I treat my friends to coffee. And I try to let small owed sums go away with time.
However, there is nothing nice about being flashy either. NYC is really the capital of flash. Where how much money you have or who you know really determines your self worth. I’ve worn sweaters that cost $30 dollars and sweaters that cost $700 dollars, and honestly, they look pretty much the same. There is no reason to get a first class ticket (unless you have a billion dollars then maybe…), being flashy for flashy sake never looks good. The people who are impressed by you being rich are people you don’t want to impress. Spend your money to make your life easier not to convince people who don’t care about you that you matter.
Do what you know you should do, but don’t want to.
There is something in your life that you know you should do. I know it exists somewhere in your mind. For me, it’s gym and emails. I hate responding to emails and I hate going to the gym. When I look at my inbox I get a rush of anxiety that prevents me from hitting send, and when I think about going to the gym I think of having to get changed, take a shower, yada yada yada. But, those are the two things I know I need to do to be happy. I need to reach out to more people. I know that exercise without question always makes me feel better. In our lives there are things we know we need to do. Make your life better by just doing them.
Keep shooting. Keep shooting. Keep shooting.
Life is a numbers game. You want a job? Apply to a lot of jobs and send too many emails. You want a girlfriend? Go to a lot of parties, meet ups, or dinners. You want to get healthy? Go on a lot of walks, play a lot of sports, hit the weights one too many times. If you don’t try you will never succeed. Learn to love the game, learn to love the rejection letters and unread texts. If you learn to love play, winning will just come as an afterthought.
Be healthy, but not a robot.
I have gone through pretty much every possible permutation of health regimes out there. From counting every calorie to smoking cigarettes and eating croissants in France, so my health has gone through ups and downs. I can say that the healthiest I have felt is when I keep things in moderation, get sleep, focus on eating good food, but also not sweating the small stuff. The enjoyment I get from sharing a muffin with a friend or eating a post club bagel is worth more than keeping a strict diet. The stricter the diet, the more likely you are just not to follow it. So just eat pretty healthy, enjoy the occasional treat, and get lots of sleep.
Don’t smoke cigarettes before graduating.
Speaking of health. I have noticed something change as I get older. Many addicting things, such as social media, soda, or cigarettes, are really not that addicting as you approach 25. It must be something that changes with your brain, but if you don’t smoke before you’re 25, you probably won’t be addicted in your life. So if you’re young lay off the vices until your brain gets a bit more control and awareness.
Go to a rave, don’t live in the club.
I used to go to a lot of raves, and I mean a lot. I basically lived at the club, sleeping in the day then going out at night to network and hear the music for my future DJ career. I don’t regret those nights at all. They were fun and I made some really great friends. But I don’t see myself living in the club anymore. The occasional rave where I can dance with my friends and enjoy the music thumping my chest is enough to change up my routine but allow me to live during the day. This really goes hand in hand with almost everything. Go to the gym, don’t live in it. Go to the library, but don’t sleep in it. Everything in moderation is a saying for a reason.
If you want to do something, just do it.
Your life is short; it’s around 4,000 weeks. If you want to go to Georgia, just go to Georgia. If you want to start a band, start a band. The clock is TICKING! Life is as beautiful as you make it. So get out there and do the thing that you know you want to do. You know what that thing is, and no one else does. Write it down and just do it. It might not be everything it’s cracked up to be, but at least you tried.
Love your parents.
There are no two people who know you better, or have known you the longest. No two people care about you more, or hope for the best for you. Love your parents while they are still here.
Don’t drink so much, but drink a little.
Alcohol is not good for you. Not even wine. It’s actually bad for you. Very bad. But, I still drink some wine and beer with friends. Why? Because a little vice is not a bad thing. A classic of Georgian amber wine with a serving of dumplings can elevate my mood in a way that is just unbelievable. A nice cold beer on a summer beach day with friends is sometimes life’s greatest moment. You shouldn’t drink every day, and you should drink as little as you can, but you’re a human, enjoy life.
Read more.
Books are magic. They are a teleportation device to the past and the future. You are able to see life through the eyes of the smartest, wisest, and most interesting people in the world. You are able to live other people’s lives in a few hours rather than a few decades. There is no other way you can get so much knowledge and empathy other than from books. My only regret is not reading more.
Write more.
Since writing this blog regularly, I feel I am able to express myself and think about my life far more clearly. Writing regularly is a superpower; it allows you to exercise the muscle in your mind of thinking clearly and telling the world what you truly believe. There are no bad writers, but just people who lack practice.
Don’t let treats become habits.
While I am all for having the cookie at the cafe or the single cigarette on the night out, be careful about habits. Your actions add up quickly. One day of missing the gym becomes one month which then turns into one year. I find that if I treat myself more than three times, it’s no longer a treat but a decision.
People will come and go.
You should make lots of friends and be kind to people, but you should also realize that not everyone will be in your life forever and that’s ok. People come and go; it’s important to hold the people you care about deeply, but every relationship is temporary in the long run so just enjoy the moments you have and don’t fret too much on the future.
Work harder than you think you need to.
My one regret in college is not working hard enough. After leaving the ivory tower, I see that I had a lot of resources I didn’t take advantage of, papers I didn’t publish, or classes I didn’t take because I was afraid for my GPA. I should have worked a bit harder, put in a bit more effort and got more out of the experience. This can go with everything, every job, program, or action you do is defined by the effort you put into it. So when you’re in the moment, push hard, work hard, and try to make it memorable.
Religion is like coffee.
Religion is not good or bad, it just is. I found my religious journey to be important. Going from an atheist to a Buddhist, to a Christian to finally a Jew, I find that religion is like coffee, in the sense that some every day can add a lot to your life, but too much makes you crazy and if you don’t have any you’re missing out. There is no set amount of religion that I can prescribe, but having a community and a level of spirituality is deeply important to the human experience.
You only have this moment once.
There is no future or past, just the present moment. When you understand this, life becomes a lot clearer.
Don’t stay at parties with an upset stomach.
I am very in favor of going to parties. I love parties, I think parties are great to meet people, have fun, and listen to music. But you shouldn’t stay at parties if you don’t want to. You shouldn’t feel bad by leaving early, or not going. Always err on getting out there, but if in your heart of hearts you feel like it would be the wrong thing to do, don’t chastise yourself for not.
When you’re young, do something crazy.
Going to Georgia was a silly, wild, and crazy decision. I am very happy I made it. I feel that my early 20s are now complete. I feel that a part of me is found. When you can, at whatever age, go to your Georgia, if that means moving to LA or Peru, just go and go early.
Music matters.
While it’s only sound, there is something about music that is impossible to describe. Music matters so much; its ability to arouse the fiery energy of all people, to unite, and to divide. Music is important and you should make an effort to get better at it, whatever that means to you. If it’s playing, listening, or creating, get good at music, because music makes us human.
Your body changes, that’s ok.
My body is changing. I can’t do all-nighters anymore, I need to work out to feel good, and I have to watch what I eat. This is ok. Our life happens in phases. The worst thing you can do is to not accept your life and the phase you are in. Enjoy and love your body, take care of it, use it, don’t abuse it, most importantly accept it.
It doesn’t matter how bad the restaurant is with the right company.
If your dinner partner is good, it doesn’t matter if you’re at a diner or a 5-star restaurant. Make sure you break bread with good people.